Leaving in 2 weeks and one day. The panic is on. I’m so bad with good-byes, with endings, with closures. Send me to a new town, new job, new country and give me two days and I’m fine but leaving….it’s always hard for me to do.

In November I decided that I wanted to stay and work here for longer. I discussed it with my director and she was fully supportive, we even found funding for me. However a month or so later I decided that perhaps it wasn’t the right decision. Not sure why my thinking changed – I was involved with women’s rights at the grassroots level in Africa, something I’ve always wanted to do. But I just felt that it wasn’t the right time. In the past 4.5 years I’ve spent 8 months in Canada. While I want to continue working internationally, maybe now isn’t the right time. I told my director I had changed my mind. She was very good about it and supported my decision to go back to school. In fact I am welcome back in a years time and she believes the funding and position will still be available.

But last night while I was in bed I started to panic – am I crazy? Do I really want to go back to school, back to working crappy part time jobs on weekends to help decrease the amount I need in loans? Am I really turning down this opportunity? Yes, yes I am. I’m a bit liminal these days. Neither here nor there. I’m feeling like I did when I left Japan – sad to leave my friends, my life, this new culture but I’m excited too. I need to go home for awhile. So I may not be good at good-byes, good at transition, but I’m fabulous with hellos and getting my life started somewhere else. So *gulp* good bye Swaziland and HHHHEEELLLOOOO Canada. Here I come.